Couples Coaching/ Counseling
A national study conducted in 2019 found the number one cause of breakups to be a lack of communication and commitment. Relationships take work, and often individuals find their efforts seem to be in vain, the other person isn’t hearing them, and it feels like the same argument over and over again. Why does this happen? There can be several reasons, but we have found it often boils down to complacency and miscommunication. Complacency is a very easy place for couples to reach after a certain period of time. Due to the demands of life, whether it is work, school, kids, or other responsibilities, finding time to prioritize the relationship often gets put on the back burner. Relearning to take intentional time and creating spaces to reconnect with each other is something we really focus tools on to help that foundational reconnection. With tools such as toe-to-toe, therapeutic dates, the 60-second rule, and many more, we work with you and your partner to get back to prioritizing yourselves and the relationship.
Once we reestablish the connection, the next issue to tackle is miscommunication. Miscommunications can occur for several reasons, but we have found that differences in our internal dictionaries is often the source of the confusion. What is an internal dictionary? We can all Google the definitions of words through Merriam Webster, but that exact definition isn’t often what the word means to us. Take the word “respect” for example. Let’s say we have a couple who just finished an argument. Person A’s definition of respect means giving the other person space, because that is what they would want. Person B’s definition of respect means not leaving the conversation until there is a resolution. Here is the start of that miscommunication: Person A is going to walk away, and Person B feels leaving this unresolved is disrespectful. Without understanding that definitionary difference, in the effort to respect the other person, both will feel disrespected and resentful due to their partner’s actions or inactions. This is just one of many, many, many miscommunications we see and how easily it can breed conflict. We have built a practice that helps to address these conflicts at the root level, to figure out the start of the miscommunication, and to help couples get on the same page before we tackle the bigger stuff. While conflict due to a lack of communication is often the source of problems in a partnership, it also creates a multitude of subsidiary issues.
The Top 5 conflicts we see
Finances
Intimacy
Kids
Work/life balance
Division of housework
Establishing reconnection and understanding your partner allows the couple to focus on these complex obstacles and find a path forward. We have a saying around here, “the willingness has to meet the want to”, as long as you are willing to grow in your relationship, there is no couple too far gone. Whether you are a couple looking to just fine-tune some areas in your relationship or you are a couple in need of an overhaul in communication and commitment, we would love to work with you on this journey to better your partnership